It seems like you are high. The emotional turmoil that you undergo through is new. You feel inexperienced,volatile. You feel like the way you have never felt before. It seems like all your attention is being leeched away towards a particular direction. It seems like the entire universe consists of only two individuals. For a moment you cease to exist on your natural state, and transit to a state of delirium. That smile, that awkwardness, that hair, that dress. Suddenly you fall in love with everything that your crush possesses. The very heart itself. You feel curious, your elated heart starts palpitating, the anxiety reaches to bounds that no drugs can offer, and so does the shyness. Everything seems awkward, suddenly your mind turns capricious and the heart isn’t yours anymore. They belong to him/her. The one whom you love. The First Love.
You feel infinitely jealous when he/she talks to the opposite sex. You begin imagining on how the conversation might have progressed with you being there, instead of the person he/she is talking to. You loathe for that very place. You long for that very person’s voice. You want to introduce yourself. You want to confess how much do you love at that very moment. But you can’t. You start taking precautions as you contend against you overruling emotions. You think at least ‘nth’ times before every conversation you meticulously make and every move you do. You start exaggerating as each second passes as forever for you. You turn into Alchemist, as her/his heart turns into the Philosopher’s Stone.
You muster courage to maintain eye contact. You expect the same from her/him. You want him/her to smile. With your happiness knowing no bounds for the curvaceous smile she gives. You long for her attention. You desire exactly the same thing in return. You get disappointed when you don’t get. You expect your interests to be common. Suddenly you feel yourself as alone, irrespective of the fact that you are surrounded by a hundred friends. The objective of your life focuses into conquering a heart. That one heart.
Love is magic, without you being a magician. You start to think about that particular person because you feel happy. You feel calm, a certain wave of sheer delight ripples out in your body. You start to feel that your existence is only half of what it is. And the other half is that very other person. Each of your heartbeat is just another love letter for her.
With infinite thoughts surfacing on your head, Thousands of words you wanting to blurt, a Hundred dreams that involves him/her, Ten seconds of conversation is all that you need with that particular One. Yes, you are in Love. The first one.
P.S: Dedicated to someone for her birthday. For letting me know what does First love really feels like. Sometimes you need to to fall on the ground to assemble the force to stand up once again. I still remember every instance the first time I met her, 7 years back though. I hate my brain for that. Never knew that a perpetual crush shall eventually evolve into Love with every passing moment. Maybe I was late to confess, maybe I wasn’t the one for her. Maybe I don’t care anymore, or maybe I do. Neither every grape is sweet, nor every love story has a start.
I remember the night when I fell in Love
I don’t think I will ever forget
And as if existing outside of everything else graspable to me,
I live forever happily within this continuos vacuum.
As a parallel universe of pure genius
The atoms of my body in beautiful ecstasy,
whenever I look back.
(Kudos to original writer of this stanza)