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Tag: Love

Holi…

Today is Holi. A festival of colors  A day to fill a little color in our black and white monotonous picture frame of life, to add a little ink to the blank pages, a little more meaning, a little more fun, a little different day than the regular. But we lack what this day wants from us the most, to let ourselves go. Do we do that? No. Holi demands submission. Not to God, but to a different state of ecstasy. It’s a day where there are no contests of money, wealth or the race of life asking who achieved what, but at the end of the day the richest man is  the one who has the most colors smeared on his face.

We are too busy in our lives to let go. We feel ourselves too old to be playing with colors  too “High class” to be wandering in the streets with friends, too classy to get our white shirt wasted, too health conscious to allergies on our beautiful faces and drying of our too precious scalps. Well, I say we are too fucked up. - Read More -

I remember the time when I was a child. Surrounded with family, friends and many unknown painted faces which were too difficult to be recognized  Holi was one of my favorites  Wild chases across the corridor, bicycle rides across the streets with torn shirts and throwing water bags on passerby, and getting a color bomb back in return along with a hearty laughter. It was like a paint war.  God, I miss those days so much. Now, Holi is just another day, with family strewn apart with many migrating away to metropolitan cities, friends too busy or too reserve to play, and neighbors, i haven’t yet spoken to them after 5 years of moving into my apartment. I don’t even know who they are except their surname “Mr.& Mrs. Sinha”. If you throw a color bag at a passerby now, you will be gifted with a few courteous words about your mother or your sister. Yes, we have made ourselves so. And yes, The world is definitely going to end.

Its time to change. Give yourselves a little time people. Let yourself go. Don’t give an excuse, don’t say “I haven’t played Holi since 5 years, how can I now?” , Why on earth can’t you now? You never grow too old to have fun. A friend asked me not too long back a very nice question. He said “The priest of our family says ‘God lives high.’ The weird looking guy in the last bench of our class says ‘Vodka takes you high.’ The white clothed baba in the religious channel says ‘our ultimate aim is to reach God, be it by any way’. So can I conclude that to reach God I must be high?” At that time I didn’t pay attention, but now as I think of it I finally get reason why people drink ‘bhaang’ in any religious ceremonies. Let yourselves go, people. Even if it’s only for a day. Be high, let your emotions flow and celebrate this Holi with the Gods!

Okay, I have got to go now. Lots of colors waiting to be bought. Its war-time! Play safe and a very happy Holi to you all. Adios!

Happy Holi 2013 - Fresh HD Wallpapers 1

 

The Diabolique Saint

The world will break your heart infinite times to the end of day. And that’s guaranteed.

And I can’t begin to explain why that happens. The craziness that creeps inside me or anybody else is beyond my reasoning ability.

But I guess I have learnt one thing: never lose hope.

If we try a little harder, we all have that one shot at a silver lining. Well and that’s how life is.

Pause, pause. That’s a relevant thing I wrote up there but by any chance if you are thinking this is some crazy old shit then hold on because there’s more to come.

This is about my life or anybody else’s. To avoid any circumstantial controversies let me talk about the person that resides in me.

As I see it this person is a saint.

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Well he is not the typical happy go lucky fellow. Because that happy-go –lucky term is often exaggerated and most often seen in the fancy Bollywood movies where the happy charm is inadvertently incorporated at the end to let us commoners dwell in illusion that our life is no different from that man from the movie. Pheww…I had to get that out.

So let me talk about the person that we, or to be more precise, I, can relate to.

Having born and brought up abiding to the social norms of our culture I believe I am a very genuine person willing to do good for the society, family, friends, poor, government, and what not.

But this feel good factor is only a veil to hide the atrocious behavior of our devilish nature.

So where to start? Where this I-am-so-good notion did develop in our minds

Let us see. This saintly person I am talking of loves his family, he’s got some amazing friends, he loves with passion, he is truly committed to his work, he is fun, he is adorable and to be very honest he is purely delusional. Because he is not real. Because it’s in my mind. It’s in all our minds to project the good side of our selves so that we linger in this feel good limbo.

We all believe we are saints, true to the nature of every human being who thinks they are always right because we all have that alter ego inside. And that’s where the term delusional fits in so well.

Delusional: an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality.

So where did I go wrong? What should I term myself to be at peace with my real self? I always feel happy thinking I am doing everything alright, but am I?

I have wronged my family many a times, I have cheated my friends on numerous occasions, I have double dated with the love of my life, I have been rude, I have committed sins I can never forget so who am I??How can I be the saintly person I always think myself to be or am I plain diabolique??

Sometimes I smile wondering how some words hold such a powerful chord in the strings of our life.

Diabolique…the word means pure evil yet how beautiful it sounds.

There you go another saintly character to search for positives in the most devilish moments.

The answer lies right there if we delve a little deeper.

I am confused. I am being pragmatic and I wish to resolve the conflict within myself.

I am downright charming yet stupid, I am innocent yet have used it for my own selfish needs, I am soft spoken yet aggressive, elegant yet abrasive, ruthless yet a romantic.

To be honest it would be an uncanny battle of my own self if I go on pondering upon the true nature that I dwell in.

There is no pure saint. We all do good I agree but there lurks that irresistible urge to do evil inside each and one of us. We all have the devil inside, and I believe it has a slight edge over our instincts but hey we still live.

Following the social norms of our society, putting up a fake smile whenever we are sad, try to make someone laugh in their plight of sorrow, pull ourselves back from the dreads of failure, we win and show off cause we deserve to, every day we successfully put on the veil of good over bad, and we live and we are happy, it will always be an eternal struggle of one’s own self to do something good after numerous bads so that at the end of the day we can be at peace with ourselves. We do evil and we also do good. We all have that saint inside us which balances the ever looming devil.

I let go a mirth of laughter as I justify the first few lines of this article.’ HOPE’ it’s an extraordinary tool. We all hope that at the end of the day no matter how evil how satanic we all have been, we seek the saint inside us.

I have a few lines as I retort to peace on having come to a bemused conclusion:

“That which we are…we are…

With equal tempers and heroic hearts…

Made weak by time and fate…

But strong in will, to strive to seek to find and never to yield…”

And there you go. I came across my true self. Neither a pure saint nor a complete devil. We all have this person inside us whom we often chose to ignore, and it gives me peace to give it an acceptable name. “The Diabolique Saint”.
chess saint

Some Nights…

All nights are not the same, all nights you don’t get the same cheery dreamy eyes or a blissful night sleep. Some nights you are just empty, drifting away into a sea of thoughts, lost in your memory searching for reasons of your existence and condemning yourself with all that you’ve got. We all have been there. Some of us are there tonight, some of us were yesterday and some will be there tomorrow. Whatever we feel in these nights is entirely not the truth but these nights help us realising various facets of our life.

In these nights as time passes by everything seems wrong in our lives. You dive into your mind and you find no “real” friends. You want to convince yourself that you are not alone. And in the process you end up texting all the important persons in your contact list. But this is not an ordinary night, is it? As not expected, no one replies. Even if a few do, no one even gets the basic hint of the pain you are in. - Read More -

Someone just blabbers away their day’s achievements while someone ends up giving you one word replies. So? After the futile attempt of establishing connection you get back to square one. No “real” Friends.

After this starts a series of flashbacks. You think about every rude thing anyone has said to you and with every hit your heart sinks a foot lower. You feel guilty, cheated and obviously all alone in this whole wide world. You think of the person that once said “Baby, I will never forget to tell you anything”, now doesn’t even care to tell she found her long lost love. The person who told “I am so addicted that I can’t live a minute without you” hasn’t spoken since the past three months. Someone who had said “Dude, You will be the first to see my girlfriend” has not yet informed even after their first anniversary. Friends have gone, people have changed. Family seems foreign, you don’t want to talk with anyone. Reason? “They won’t understand. They never do.” Without your realisation, your eyes get wet and remain so till you drift off to sleep.

These “Nights” teach us many things. They are basically the “Reality Checks” for our “Dreamy lives”. No one’s life is perfect. Yours is not too. People will change, situations will make them to. But life goes on, for basically two things: A few friends and Something that always remain constant, The Family. The ones that appear not understanding us remain right from the time we stand on our tiny little feet till the time we fall off them. And Yes Friends go, but a few of them stay. And our life is a hell lot better because of them. These “nights” make us feel “alone”, just to realise the importance of those few who stay…

Love your family,

And the friends who matter.

As they’re only ones who,

Will remember you after.

Life,Love,Friends,Family

The First Love

It seems like you are high. The emotional turmoil that you undergo through is new. You feel inexperienced,volatile. You feel like the way you have never felt before. It seems like all your attention is being leeched away towards a particular direction. It seems like the entire universe consists of only two individuals. For a moment you cease to exist on your natural state, and transit to a state of delirium. That smile, that awkwardness, that hair, that dress. Suddenly you fall in love with everything that your crush possesses. The very heart itself. You feel curious, your elated heart starts palpitating, the anxiety reaches to bounds that no drugs can offer, and so does the shyness. Everything seems awkward, suddenly your mind turns capricious and the heart isn’t yours anymore. They belong to him/her. The one whom you love. The First Love.

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You feel infinitely jealous when he/she talks to the opposite sex. You begin imagining on how the conversation might have progressed with you being there, instead of the person he/she is talking to. You loathe for that very place. You long for that very person’s voice. You want to introduce yourself. You want to confess how much do you love at that very moment. But you can’t. You start taking precautions as you contend against you overruling emotions. You think at least ‘nth’ times before every conversation you meticulously make and every move you do. You start exaggerating as each second passes as forever for you. You turn into Alchemist, as her/his heart turns into the Philosopher’s Stone.

You muster courage to maintain eye contact. You expect the same from her/him. You want him/her to smile. With your happiness knowing no bounds for the curvaceous smile she gives. You long for her attention. You desire exactly the same thing in return. You get disappointed when you don’t get. You expect your interests to be common. Suddenly you feel yourself as alone, irrespective of the fact that you are surrounded by a hundred friends. The objective of your life focuses into conquering a heart. That one heart.

Love is magic, without you being a magician. You start to think about that particular person because you feel happy. You feel calm, a certain wave of sheer delight ripples out in your body. You start to feel that your existence is only half of what it is. And the other half is that very other person. Each of your heartbeat is just another love letter for her.

With infinite thoughts surfacing on your head, Thousands of words you wanting to blurt, a Hundred dreams that involves him/her, Ten seconds of conversation is all that you need with that particular One. Yes, you are in Love. The first one.

P.S: Dedicated to someone for her birthday. For letting me know what does First love really feels like. Sometimes you need to to fall on the ground to assemble the force to stand up once again. I still remember every instance the first time I met her, 7 years back though. I hate my brain for that. Never knew that a perpetual crush shall eventually evolve into Love with every passing moment. Maybe I was late to confess, maybe I wasn’t the one for her. Maybe I don’t care anymore, or maybe I do.  Neither every grape is sweet, nor every love story has a start.

 

I remember the night when I fell in Love
I don’t think I will ever forget
And as if existing outside of everything else graspable to me,
I live forever happily within this continuos vacuum.
As a parallel universe of pure genius
The atoms of my body in beautiful ecstasy,
whenever I look back.

(Kudos to original writer of this stanza)

Evil!

The bad, The worse or The worst? You say anything and everything which is beyond your level of tolerance as evil. Don’t you?? Your soul mate after promising years of togetherness, suddenly turns evil after a break up. Your best friend suddenly turns evil when your crush falls for him. How? Why? Perception. Anything good or evil depends on how you perceive.

Something which may be evil for you may be worshiped by someone. The thief who robbed the bank yesterday may have his daughter admitted for a kidney transplant. The man who robbed you of your golden chain may have his wife on gunpoint for repaying old loans. The guy who pick pocketed your purse may have two daughters starving at home, and he being an illiterate jobless has no other option. The naxalite who created terrorism may have been forced to believe that the government was the alien invaders to his homeland, from the very beginning of his childhood. The young gunman who killed an entire police fleet may be taking revenge of his mother being raped in a closed barred room by uniformed officers. - Read More -

Maybe someone who hurt, didn’t want to, but had no other alternative.

Evil cannot be eliminated, no. You can never ‘stop’ terrorism, robbery, killings, bombings etc. As long there is good, there will be evil. Why? because the good persons will always have someone or the other who doesn’t think like them, act like them And the person hence forth becomes “Evil”. And the fight continues, good over evil, evil over good. The one that emerges victorious becomes the new good. The other goes back to being evil.

Few days ago, the famous indian festival went by, named “Dussehra”. Celebrated for victory of good over evil this festival marks the beginning of a new year of goodness over evilness. Really?? But the evil is still out there. There are people who still need to be brought to the right path. Do you notice every year when the “Raavan” is burnt, it is smiling, as if mocking us of the evil in us, the evil we would show if situations arise, the evil which actually eats us inside out! There’s so much evil that we burn it every year, still it stands up smiling, tall, ten headed, basking in the glory of flames, burnt only to rise up again , the very next year, the very same day! You wanna kill evil? Kill that’s in you. And if you believe in supreme power, believe in him, he will take care of the rest!

Good N Evil

Be smart, be kind,
Think rationally with your mind.
Avoid fast decisions, for they are wrong,
Learn to forgive, not fighting along.
Do your own part, leave the rest to one who’s above,
All i wanna say is, make peace and make love!

 

And to the thugs, double headed people, gnawing worms that feed on grief of others, The world is changing guys, so stop smiling coz its time, to burn, and you’re up next!

Signing off till some other time, a wacky crazybrain! ;)

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