To the people who have heard my futile attempt to connect with the world earlier, Hi. And to those who are new to me, Hi, I am Mr. X and I am not a part of XXX.
Friends, I did not have, I do not, And i won’t ever. I am alone. I get upset at nights with no one around me. Plugging the headphones into my ear, i silently recite my not-so-interesting tale to my pillow. Sometimes time goes by, sometimes it doesn’t, and sometimes i just cry myself to sleep. I am the part of someone else. And i never show myself in the light of the day. He has many friends. I never bring anyone closer. He laughs at the day. I let him. But i am the king in the night.
Well, he found a friend recently. Someone he could connect to. Maybe because she is broken as he is. Maybe because their stories are a bit similar. Or maybe because he just likes the way she laughs. “Huahahaha.” That’s Weird. He wants to be there for her. Make her happy. Make her whole. And then I will make him silently vanish away. I have always been good at vanishing, vanishing discreetly. She has her friends, a few of them. And I have none. And it won’t be just to take up her time and she loses her friends, will it? So, vanish. Poof!
I have never been part of the inner circle of a group. Always the thirteenth man. Never been a member of a group meeting or a group chat. Always having the last invite to get-together’s, the last preference to a group-photo, the last credit in the movie. I am the noob. I am the geek. Well, that kinda sucks. Doesn’t it?
Yes, I may be depressed. I may be over thinking the situation. Overreacting too. But that’s what I am. And in a way I am happy with what I am. I like my loneliness. I like my tears. I like my state of tranquility. And yes still in search of someone who comes by saying “Saale, Chutiya hai kya? Akele kyu baitha hai? Koi nai to chal hum dono kahin jaate hain!….”