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Earphones

My junior brother is in the 7th grade. He hasn’t yet been given a cell-phone. Not that he really needs it, because he is usually at home and doesn’t even go for tuition except going to school. So my parents have kept the fishy matter in the ice chamber. It’s unfortunate. I mean, I was given my cell-phone in the 9th grade. But now in the age of multimedia a cell-phone is necessary even in Kindergarten. Explaining it a bit further; in our age not every home had a computer to download music from songs.pk or “djmaza.com” nor was the average phone multimedia enabled. So we had to sit gaping at the TV flicking through MTV, Zoom TV or 9XM to listen to a song. But now the average minor uses the device as a music player (1st), alarm clock and watch (2nd) and calendar (3rd) and then for communicating.

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My parents are of the Stone Age. They don’t like to hear songs on their cell. So my brother quenches his thirst via my Nokia. At times I feel it irritating, because he leaps at the cell-phone whenever it’s not in my hands. If I put a security coded lock then he threatens to insert the wrong code 7 times and that virtually kills down the phone for the next 15 minutes (NOKIA users must be familiar with this.).And if I say no, he gives me a look as if he was a Nigerian famine stricken peasant and I refused him his share of the relief fund. As if, he was a hungry dog and I denied him his leg-piece. As if he hadn’t seen a cell-phone in his whole life. Such a display moves me from the inside and I feel pity on him… after all in a year or two he won’t even ask me for it. He is a real charmer …he will do anything to get his pie. But what I hate the most is the earwax that the surface of the earphones come drenched with after my brother uses them. I have warned him for it many a times but never had he heeded to my threats and nor had I taken the matter ahead. So it was also in the ice chamber….

On the Tuesday, a week ago; I was woken up in the morning by my mother. It was 6:45. I pleaded that I had gone late to the bed because I had to study for the internal that were just 8 hours later and crawled back into the blanket. But she had her own way and pulled over the blanket and poured a glassful of water on my face. I woke up brusquely to check if my cell-phone and my books were okay. The latter was all right but the former wasn’t there. I stormed off the bedroom to the bathroom, peed but didn’t find relief. My mother was giving a lecture on her favorite topic “Early to bed…… (You know the rest)”. I was burning with anger and I was afraid I could have charred my mother then and there. I didn’t want to hear a further lecture on “behavior with parents”. I just wanted to plug my ears with Linkin Park’s rock metal. So I desperately sniffed for my cell phone like a hungry dog. My brother had it. I just wanted to take that and go to the terrace at once, away from my mother.

But alas, the earphones were greased and smudged with earwax. I lashed at my brother. I was ready to smack him but he ran towards the kitchen. I chased him and my mother intervened to his rescue. She said I needn’t take out my anger against her on him…… So I took it out on the earphones. I flung them onto the shelves of the room full of attaches and iron trunks and rarely used things of the household. I wanted some loneliness, so I went to the terrace to say Namaste to the sun and to my math book.

While solving problems, I missed my LP. Every little noise, the clattering of utensils being washed, the hitting of clothes on the wash-point, the vehicle’s horn, some Odia Bhajan sang by the Namita Aggarwal (I fucking hate her. Bloody monopolizer) was blaring out of my neighbour’s tv, even the birds chirping disturbed me. I realized how addicted had I become to music. It was a means for me to achieve concentration. I dropped my pen and thought about it.

I concluded that I spent more hours of my waking life being plugged in. It was nice to be amongst LP, Greenday, Mozart, Beethoven, Kilar, and Kaczmerack and bolly tracks of course. But it also confined me within them. A creative man must think and for thinking we need food-for-thought. And to get such thoughtful diet we have to be a good listener and a keen observer. That’s what I learned from father. Well with me being plugged in, I could only observe and analyze the observation from my P.O.V. but now I could listen too (only somewhat via eavesdropping) and I was sure the inference would have a wider aspect ratio to it. So my ideas would be more vivid. See that’s the profit of thinking. You can turn an alarming reality to an opportunity. All is going to be well. I comforted my innocent heart…

Later that day, it felt uneasy on the way to college because I walk my way to college and music is my companion. I missed them but I decided to listen each and everything I was passing by. Near Paglu Bhai’s tea stall (it’s a famous place and you can Google it… kidding!!!) the laborers and the trolley-pullers were discussing about labor-wages. The touts in front of the electrical inspector’s office were settling a deal about some illegal connection with a mill owner. The cement godown’s shutter was raised that made such a loud thundering noise that I can’t describe it in onomatopoeic terms. It was too much for me. I decided I couldn’t undertake the 2.5 Kms journey on foot without my earphones. So I stopped to wait for an auto to pass.

As I was waiting for an auto-rickshaw to hop into, a horde of students came out of the roadside complex. It was “Algebra study center , probably some math geek tortured these kids there. The boys rushed out to their respective cycles as they would have to reach school. There was a variety of discussions; about annual sports, cricket, school drama, annual function, some girl named “Subhasmita”(I don’t know who she is, but she must be a pin-up. a group of 7-8 boys were talking about her dress in a hush-hush way only Indian boys do).

However there was one conversation that really pierced me. I heard a guy say to his friend displaying his new Rs.60 made-in-china stereo headset “Whenever my mom runs behind me like a monster, I plug these into my ears and sustain her lecture. These are really loud like mini-woofers.” The listener nodded in appreciation. I just laughed after hearing that and boarded my auto. I went to college the whole week via auto.

I went to the dept. picnic this Sunday. I terribly missed my earphones being trapped in midst of friends turned hooligans. Any way my Nokia WH-102 wouldn’t have been enough for those blaring loudspeakers inside the bus. I probably needed those made-in-china headsets that sounded like mini-woofers. After returning from the horrific tour, when sleep evaded my eyes at 1 am; I craved for some Mozart lullabies.

I thought about my earphones. I thought about how I treated my mother. I realized, in my parent’s generation, if you didn’t like a domestic lecture, you went out of the home and came back when you were all-right with yourself. That was good because the angry sides weren’t facing each other and the cool-down was quick and effective. But now, the mother keeps on delivering her lecture and keeps on shouting at us, while we plug ourselves in and sit down and stare at her unfazed like a rock. What happens as a result is that the anger gets multiplied and the cooldown never occurs at all. Then either your mom burns your earphones in the gas stove or she walks out on you frustrated.

I fell asleep

P.S.:-I woke up the next morning. I apologized to my mother (she had forgotten the entire incident. What a great mother). I thanked her for letting me sleep till 11 in the morning. I climbed onto the shelf using a tall stool and found my earphones lying between a tin trunk and an attaché. They had a thin layer of dust on them. An old biology diagram of the excretory system came to my mind, 2 black heads(kidneys)  and a long umbilical cord of black (I don’t remember the names of those blue and red veins) and a white metal shining tip(that’s the bladder and urethra). What a pervert I am, I thought to myself!!!! I hurried down. Plugged myself and lost into Kaczmerak’s “park on the piano”. It’s a great piece. Do listen on YouTube.

Yours Musically,
Biswas Mishra.

Holi…

Today is Holi. A festival of colors  A day to fill a little color in our black and white monotonous picture frame of life, to add a little ink to the blank pages, a little more meaning, a little more fun, a little different day than the regular. But we lack what this day wants from us the most, to let ourselves go. Do we do that? No. Holi demands submission. Not to God, but to a different state of ecstasy. It’s a day where there are no contests of money, wealth or the race of life asking who achieved what, but at the end of the day the richest man is  the one who has the most colors smeared on his face.

We are too busy in our lives to let go. We feel ourselves too old to be playing with colors  too “High class” to be wandering in the streets with friends, too classy to get our white shirt wasted, too health conscious to allergies on our beautiful faces and drying of our too precious scalps. Well, I say we are too fucked up. - Read More -

I remember the time when I was a child. Surrounded with family, friends and many unknown painted faces which were too difficult to be recognized  Holi was one of my favorites  Wild chases across the corridor, bicycle rides across the streets with torn shirts and throwing water bags on passerby, and getting a color bomb back in return along with a hearty laughter. It was like a paint war.  God, I miss those days so much. Now, Holi is just another day, with family strewn apart with many migrating away to metropolitan cities, friends too busy or too reserve to play, and neighbors, i haven’t yet spoken to them after 5 years of moving into my apartment. I don’t even know who they are except their surname “Mr.& Mrs. Sinha”. If you throw a color bag at a passerby now, you will be gifted with a few courteous words about your mother or your sister. Yes, we have made ourselves so. And yes, The world is definitely going to end.

Its time to change. Give yourselves a little time people. Let yourself go. Don’t give an excuse, don’t say “I haven’t played Holi since 5 years, how can I now?” , Why on earth can’t you now? You never grow too old to have fun. A friend asked me not too long back a very nice question. He said “The priest of our family says ‘God lives high.’ The weird looking guy in the last bench of our class says ‘Vodka takes you high.’ The white clothed baba in the religious channel says ‘our ultimate aim is to reach God, be it by any way’. So can I conclude that to reach God I must be high?” At that time I didn’t pay attention, but now as I think of it I finally get reason why people drink ‘bhaang’ in any religious ceremonies. Let yourselves go, people. Even if it’s only for a day. Be high, let your emotions flow and celebrate this Holi with the Gods!

Okay, I have got to go now. Lots of colors waiting to be bought. Its war-time! Play safe and a very happy Holi to you all. Adios!

Happy Holi 2013 - Fresh HD Wallpapers 1

 

The Diabolique Saint

The world will break your heart infinite times to the end of day. And that’s guaranteed.

And I can’t begin to explain why that happens. The craziness that creeps inside me or anybody else is beyond my reasoning ability.

But I guess I have learnt one thing: never lose hope.

If we try a little harder, we all have that one shot at a silver lining. Well and that’s how life is.

Pause, pause. That’s a relevant thing I wrote up there but by any chance if you are thinking this is some crazy old shit then hold on because there’s more to come.

This is about my life or anybody else’s. To avoid any circumstantial controversies let me talk about the person that resides in me.

As I see it this person is a saint.

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Well he is not the typical happy go lucky fellow. Because that happy-go –lucky term is often exaggerated and most often seen in the fancy Bollywood movies where the happy charm is inadvertently incorporated at the end to let us commoners dwell in illusion that our life is no different from that man from the movie. Pheww…I had to get that out.

So let me talk about the person that we, or to be more precise, I, can relate to.

Having born and brought up abiding to the social norms of our culture I believe I am a very genuine person willing to do good for the society, family, friends, poor, government, and what not.

But this feel good factor is only a veil to hide the atrocious behavior of our devilish nature.

So where to start? Where this I-am-so-good notion did develop in our minds

Let us see. This saintly person I am talking of loves his family, he’s got some amazing friends, he loves with passion, he is truly committed to his work, he is fun, he is adorable and to be very honest he is purely delusional. Because he is not real. Because it’s in my mind. It’s in all our minds to project the good side of our selves so that we linger in this feel good limbo.

We all believe we are saints, true to the nature of every human being who thinks they are always right because we all have that alter ego inside. And that’s where the term delusional fits in so well.

Delusional: an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality.

So where did I go wrong? What should I term myself to be at peace with my real self? I always feel happy thinking I am doing everything alright, but am I?

I have wronged my family many a times, I have cheated my friends on numerous occasions, I have double dated with the love of my life, I have been rude, I have committed sins I can never forget so who am I??How can I be the saintly person I always think myself to be or am I plain diabolique??

Sometimes I smile wondering how some words hold such a powerful chord in the strings of our life.

Diabolique…the word means pure evil yet how beautiful it sounds.

There you go another saintly character to search for positives in the most devilish moments.

The answer lies right there if we delve a little deeper.

I am confused. I am being pragmatic and I wish to resolve the conflict within myself.

I am downright charming yet stupid, I am innocent yet have used it for my own selfish needs, I am soft spoken yet aggressive, elegant yet abrasive, ruthless yet a romantic.

To be honest it would be an uncanny battle of my own self if I go on pondering upon the true nature that I dwell in.

There is no pure saint. We all do good I agree but there lurks that irresistible urge to do evil inside each and one of us. We all have the devil inside, and I believe it has a slight edge over our instincts but hey we still live.

Following the social norms of our society, putting up a fake smile whenever we are sad, try to make someone laugh in their plight of sorrow, pull ourselves back from the dreads of failure, we win and show off cause we deserve to, every day we successfully put on the veil of good over bad, and we live and we are happy, it will always be an eternal struggle of one’s own self to do something good after numerous bads so that at the end of the day we can be at peace with ourselves. We do evil and we also do good. We all have that saint inside us which balances the ever looming devil.

I let go a mirth of laughter as I justify the first few lines of this article.’ HOPE’ it’s an extraordinary tool. We all hope that at the end of the day no matter how evil how satanic we all have been, we seek the saint inside us.

I have a few lines as I retort to peace on having come to a bemused conclusion:

“That which we are…we are…

With equal tempers and heroic hearts…

Made weak by time and fate…

But strong in will, to strive to seek to find and never to yield…”

And there you go. I came across my true self. Neither a pure saint nor a complete devil. We all have this person inside us whom we often chose to ignore, and it gives me peace to give it an acceptable name. “The Diabolique Saint”.
chess saint

Special Chabbis – A review

SPECIAL CHABBIS

This week’s release is something special, something intriguing, enough to keep your brain nimble as a goat. Why shouldn’t it be? After all , it’s a project of ‘NEERAJ PANDEY’ – the director of ‘A Wednesday’. Now excuse my ‘Tarantino Mania’ but I can’t resist to use this word i.e rambunctious. Yes , like ‘Django’ was in ‘Django Unchained’ so was ‘The Common Man’ in ‘Pandey’s’ first venture. But do we see that ‘RAMBUNCTIOUSNESS’ in ‘Special Chabbis’, let’s see. - Read More -

Special Chabbis Poster

STORY

The story has been already known to us thanks to those idiots who made the trailer under tutelage of ‘Neeraj Pandey’ , why am I calling them idiots? The answer is quite simple, in the first half of the movie we see the descriptive trailer or one can bow down as token of respect to those producers and director for showing the first half in television for free. You are right the first half makes you feel going like the current G.D.P. of INDIA. But it is okay. I won’t spoil the story as you are already miserable but I can say you will enjoy the second half to the fullest. But to those cynics and hard critics ‘You can view the silhouette of almost everything coming’. When  the film takes it to this altar, I mean playing with the C.B.I. you can say that this flick is not one of the run-of-the-mill at least I say that .

PERFORMANCES

Talking about performances “Anupam Kher” leads . Sorry to upset ‘Akkians’ but that’s my verdict. Isn’t this little strange. You see the January movie ‘Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola’. In that also the so-called lead actor ‘Imran Khan’ was dull compared to ‘Pankaj Kapoor’. So the question rises what about our star’s former performances which were stellar and spectacular hit among the critics? The screen time of ‘Kajal Agarwal’ is quite short and it is also quite boring. Sometimes you may feel that the couple is blathering. Maybe the director used it as a side dish in a quest to attract the masses, but frankly speaking that the love story was a square peg in the round hole. ‘Jimmy Shergill’ was perfect for his character. ‘Manoj Bajpayyee’ our beloved “Sardaar Khan” was as usual superb. Others were good.

MUSIC

Music in this film is a bit let down except the song ‘Mujhme Tu’, but it does play with the sanctity of the mood and hence deters with the pace . The music is not been provided in the demanding sections . Ofcourse eyebrows will be raised regarding the level of dexterity of the music director. It could have been used as a prophylactic measure in the first half even if it cost the ludicrous marriage cum ‘Bhangra’ song.

THE LAST WORD

The last word “DON’T IGNORE IT BECAUSE IT IS SPECIAL”. And after seeing this movie, do let us know what is ‘SPECIAL CHABBIS’?

My rating – 3.5/5

The First Love

It seems like you are high. The emotional turmoil that you undergo through is new. You feel inexperienced,volatile. You feel like the way you have never felt before. It seems like all your attention is being leeched away towards a particular direction. It seems like the entire universe consists of only two individuals. For a moment you cease to exist on your natural state, and transit to a state of delirium. That smile, that awkwardness, that hair, that dress. Suddenly you fall in love with everything that your crush possesses. The very heart itself. You feel curious, your elated heart starts palpitating, the anxiety reaches to bounds that no drugs can offer, and so does the shyness. Everything seems awkward, suddenly your mind turns capricious and the heart isn’t yours anymore. They belong to him/her. The one whom you love. The First Love.

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You feel infinitely jealous when he/she talks to the opposite sex. You begin imagining on how the conversation might have progressed with you being there, instead of the person he/she is talking to. You loathe for that very place. You long for that very person’s voice. You want to introduce yourself. You want to confess how much do you love at that very moment. But you can’t. You start taking precautions as you contend against you overruling emotions. You think at least ‘nth’ times before every conversation you meticulously make and every move you do. You start exaggerating as each second passes as forever for you. You turn into Alchemist, as her/his heart turns into the Philosopher’s Stone.

You muster courage to maintain eye contact. You expect the same from her/him. You want him/her to smile. With your happiness knowing no bounds for the curvaceous smile she gives. You long for her attention. You desire exactly the same thing in return. You get disappointed when you don’t get. You expect your interests to be common. Suddenly you feel yourself as alone, irrespective of the fact that you are surrounded by a hundred friends. The objective of your life focuses into conquering a heart. That one heart.

Love is magic, without you being a magician. You start to think about that particular person because you feel happy. You feel calm, a certain wave of sheer delight ripples out in your body. You start to feel that your existence is only half of what it is. And the other half is that very other person. Each of your heartbeat is just another love letter for her.

With infinite thoughts surfacing on your head, Thousands of words you wanting to blurt, a Hundred dreams that involves him/her, Ten seconds of conversation is all that you need with that particular One. Yes, you are in Love. The first one.

P.S: Dedicated to someone for her birthday. For letting me know what does First love really feels like. Sometimes you need to to fall on the ground to assemble the force to stand up once again. I still remember every instance the first time I met her, 7 years back though. I hate my brain for that. Never knew that a perpetual crush shall eventually evolve into Love with every passing moment. Maybe I was late to confess, maybe I wasn’t the one for her. Maybe I don’t care anymore, or maybe I do.  Neither every grape is sweet, nor every love story has a start.

 

I remember the night when I fell in Love
I don’t think I will ever forget
And as if existing outside of everything else graspable to me,
I live forever happily within this continuos vacuum.
As a parallel universe of pure genius
The atoms of my body in beautiful ecstasy,
whenever I look back.

(Kudos to original writer of this stanza)

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